Tizi's Story

Our journey is nearing it's end.  We leave soon and I dread it.  We leave soon without precious Tizabit. Who came up with that idea?  Adoption has much to do about paperwork and hurdles.  If it hadn't been for Marc, the paperwork would have never been completed.  Well, I take that back, Josie may have tackled it.  But the paperwork alone is a roadblock for my mind.  I shut down.  That's how I feel about the procedures of visitation.   You visit Ethiopia to see your child, you fall in love with said child and then they tell you to leave your child until they call you back.  At which time, you come running!  Who writes this stuff?

On that note we prepare to depart.  I'm thinking into the future as we begin to share this journey with Tizabit.  I wonder what questions she will have.  I hope she sees our story for what it really is.  In reflecting back to the beginning of our adoption, I hope Tizi learns that our story has very little to do with our family, but everything to do with those who have surrounded our family.

 I hope she sees that our story is about the families that have journeyed before us and so patiently encouraged us through the course.  It is about our case worker who saw our hearts and not our ages, who carefully listened and answered all of the kids questions and fears.  It is about praying hearts; hearts that prayed for us and because of us.  It's about Bible study groups and the Bible itself.  It's about friends that left a text, a voicemail, or an email at just the right time.  It's about confessing crazy thoughts and not being judged.

Our story is about friends of our kids who prayed them through and were always interested, it also includes their dear teachers that walked beside them.  It's about Josie's friend who brought a baggie to school with all the coins he had and told her to buy formula or diapers, in his words, "it's everything I've got!"  It's about every loving donation we received, many that made us cry.  It's about cards and notes and words of encouragement given to me, now tucked in my journal for this trip.

Tizi's story includes Walmart encounters that only God could have planned.  It includes everyone that took the time to follow our blog and hit the "like" button or leave a comment.  It's about Marc's colleagues and clients who removed business and replaced it with personal.  It includes friends from the past reaching out with precious messages.  It's also about the messages that made us laugh when we needed laughter.  Tizi's story is about people and personalities and great love.  Tizi's story is about the Body of Christ.  Thank you for being a part of our story, Tizi's story.

Courage

I have dreaded the idea of meeting Tizi's birth mom since the day I learned it was a part of this process.  Everything about it terrified me.  A friend who has gone through the process before, continued to encourage this meeting and reminded me often,  it wasn't about my feelings but about another piece of Tizabit that we could share with her.  It was about her beginning, it was about her life.

With that as our foundation, we set out on Friday for a two day trip to Awash.  The place of Tizi's birth, the place where our story begins.  It was a rough, long and sometimes dangerous trip.  The roads were often one lane and often, not even roads at all.  Everywhere, there was new highway construction.  When I asked Alemu how long before it would be completed, he replied, "no one really knows, it take very long time.  No one really knows." (I've come to understand, that phase is common here.  I also understand that as I become consumed with "WHY doesn't anyone know? why don't they demand answers?  They already have it figured out.  They continue to live out each day, fully.  What will be, will be.  There is no need to waste days on what you cannot change.)

Awash is a dry, desert, brown land.  It looks like a difficult place to live and we were told that it is.  There is fighting over the land and it is considered to be dangerous.  This dangerous place is Tizi's birthplace.  Already, it's hard to connect the pieces.  How is it some are born into instant difficulty and some are born into privilege?

Emmebt was to take a bus and meet us at the Bus Stop.  She wasn't there when we arrived and she wasn't answering her phone.  We went to lunch and waited.  Privately, I was feeling relief thinking we may not need to go through this part of it....PLEASE!  Alemu then received the call from Emmebt that she was coming, she had not disappeared.  I could no longer eat.  I was overcome with the challenge of how to tell someone, "I'm so sorry!" and "Thank you" all in the same breath.

One of the kids said, "Here she comes Mom. Tizi looks just like her! She's so pretty!" and with that we met her.  She is beautiful, quiet, shy.  She is 22 years old and looks like she could be one of our children.  She is tiny.

Alemu leads us to an area to sit and talk.  No one has spoken, and already, I can't stop crying.  With Alemu to translate, I introduced our family and told her we had met Tizibt and we think she is beautiful, just like her.  We already love Tizibt.  Emmebt smiles, a smile that starts out slow and shy with her head downward and then it became full and her entire face changed!  It just lit up.  I wanted her to smile for the rest of our time together, but also realize she has little to smile about.

We learned of Emmebt's past.  It is horrid by all counts.  Without going into complete detail, we learned that her mother had died when she was very young while giving birth to her sister.  Her sister also died.  She is Muslim.  When I asked if she went to school, she said, "never, not one day."

After Emmebt gave birth to Tizi she worked in labor/construction for long days and needed to leave Tizi with neighbors for care.  The neighbors were very poor and could not feed Tizi.  Tizi became very sick and Emmebt took her to the orphanage in Awash looking for help.  The orphanage took her to the hospital where she stayed for a month.

During our time in Ethiopia, Tizi has been described to us as "near death" or "came back from the dead."  We thank Emmebt for that.  In her Mother's heart she knew.  She knew Tizi's breaking point.  She knew she needed to do something and she did.  We tried to thank her for that, but our words fell short, they felt flat.

Tizi has bad burns on her left arm.  When I moved her sleeve the other day, I saw them and gasped because it wasn't something I expected to see.  When asking Emmebt about them, we learned she was making dinner, (I'm imaging that she was exhausted, maybe Tizi was crying, maybe she was in a hurry) and boiling water fell off the counter and onto precious Tizi.  Now I imagine tears.  Tears from Tizi and tears from Emmebt.  Ugly, jagged scars.  I wish Tizi didn't need to carry this reminder with her for the rest of her life.  I wish Emmebt didn't need to remember what must have been a nightmare experience.  Josie asked me if we would have adopted Tizi if we knew about the scars.  I told her that of course we would have adopted her and we all carry scars, it's just hard knowing that someday, Tizi will need a complete account of her scars.  Already I pray that God grows her soul and her self-worth to realize, whether scars are visible or hidden they all need to be recognized.  I pray that Tizi grows to be a person that wears her scars and that her scars don't wear her.

In asking Emmebt what she would like Tizi to know about her, she gave the most beautiful reply I've ever heard.  At the time, I couldn't write, I couldn't even see, all I could do was stare at this beautiful,  courageous woman sitting beside me.  Emmebt said, "I not give her to adopt because I don't love her.  I give her to adopt because I love her.  I saw that she was sick and could not live.  I give her because I very poor and she cannot live.  I give her because I love."  With all of my heart, I wanted Emmebt to be the mother given the chance to raise this beautiful baby!  I wanted God to swoop down that instant and fix everything wrong in this story!  I wanted to hold Emmebt and cry with her and for her.  Emmebt watched me cry with a peaceful calm.  It was quiet for a long time.  When a reply finally came, I tried to assure her that our family would love Tizi with the love Emmebt wished for her.  We would weave Emmebt into Tizi's heart in a way that Emmebt would be as real in our family as the five of us.  We would do all we can to teach Tizi about her birth Mother's unselfish heart, her couageous love and as a family, we would humbly try to live out the same

.

I held Emmebt's hand as we drove her back to the bus stop.  I hope I didn't freak her out with my touchy feely invasion of her space.  Her hand felt small and sweaty and hot.  I wondered if anyone had held her hand in a tender way before.  I wish I didn't need to let go, ever.   Emmebt may never have had the privilege of an education nor a proper home by our standards, but she taught me invaluable lessons.  She taught me that love outside of yourself, hurts deeply.  She taught me that courage comes in all shapes and sizes.  She taught me that once you are a Mother, you will forever be a Mother.

God bless you Emmebt Kedir.

And her name is.....

                      Tizabit Jubilee VanDam

Tiza (African) the ninth-born child:  Our family was ninth on the referral wait list when we received that Monday morning phone call asking if we would accept Tizi's referral.  Tizi's birth mom, Emmebt, gave her the name "Tizibt" and as a family we wanted to honor Emmebt's role in her life, so we added a letter and accomplished both.  

Jubilee (Hebrew) One who rejoices; a ram's horn:  When you hear her infectious laugh, you will completely understand!

The official name needed to wait until we met with Emmebt.  It felt important to hear her story and understand her heart before we could make that final call.  We prayed over names, talked them to death, with none of the five of us agreeing on anything, ran ideas past family....BAD idea and concluded that God would give us unity over the name, period!

So today, still seeking unity, we met Emmebt (I can't even begin to blog on this meeting until my heart has time to settle it.)  I asked her why she chose the name Tizibt (thinking that we could be in big trouble here) and this is what she told us,

"I had a very hard time, a very bad life.  I suffered a lot in life and in pregnancy.  When Tizibt came born, I say bad was in my past.  Hard times over.  My past to be forgotten.  With Tizibt no pain or suffering, all done.  All over."

How could she possibly have known that not only did she cement Tizabit's first name, she also, beautifully described the middle name that we had selected.  Emmebt knows that we are keeping Tizi's name.  I couldn't read on her face if that was important to her, but I do know, it's important to us.  Emmebt believes and hopes for more, if not for herself for the beautiful baby she birthed.   And that beautiful baby will grow to know that her name was not chosen lightly.

So welcome to our family Tizabit Jubilee!

A Day in Addis Ababa

 Today Tizi needed to visit the hospital for a follow-up check regarding her low iron count.  Because she was so malnourished when she arrived at the orphanage, they have continued to work on increasing her counts.  We made use of our time by further exploring Addis Ababa.  We visited an Ethiopian coffee house (above) with our driver, Sammy and enjoyed mochiattos.   Some of us enjoyed them more after adding a generous amount of sugar!  Sammy was entertained by our weak taste buds as he threw down a dark version with nothing added and we sipped the mild filled with sugar.  We had a great time together and even with limited communication, love spending time with Sammy!

After the Coffee House, we spent our afternoon at the Market.  It's been a while since we've shopped in this manner and the kids forgot how much their dad LOVES bartering.  (it's a true VanDam thing, Nelson would be proud :))  While Marc negotiated with the shop owners, Jake retreated to the back of the shop, Levi paced and Josie seemed unfazed by the whole process.   We spent so much time at this Mother/Daughter shop that when we left, Marc complimented the daughter and said, "you do your job very well."  She in turn told Marc he did very well also.  There is truth in the statement that salespeople love to be sold.  We love the gracious hearts that we continue to meet.

And lastly, our day would not be complete if we didn't share photos of our little, Tizi Baby.  (we learned that her iron count is still too low and hasn't changed since last month so she is on a new prescription for the next 30 days.)

How can it be?  We've met her only four days ago and we could not be more in love!!

Before we end another day here in Ethiopia, Tizi simply had to give a SHOUT OUT to her favorite classes in the entire world!  So here's to ZCS 4A Bouman, ZCS 7A Zastrow and ZCS 7B Lowe!  She says she is sure she will love all of you, but wonders why this Noah kid is so sassy about her big brother?

It's Official!!!!

It took exactly four minutes; from 2:06 to 2:10pm Ethiopian time to legally declare Tizabit a VanDam!  Doesn't that seem crazy short?  I tried to stare at the judge and then the translater as they spoke to us regarding the importance and permanency of our families' decision.  Somehow, I just needed to memorize their faces.  The translater, gave us such a sweet smile before we began. I'm certain he saw in all of us a crazy collection of emotions behind each face.

The kids were really concerned about our Court Date and when we discussed it last night, Marc said that he thought we had a female judge.  Levi felt that was good because women would be nicer and Jake said, "Levi, look at Judge Judy!"  I'm glad God continues to allow us humor!  I was still laughing over that exchange last night in bed and still wonder when Jake has ever watched Judge Judy?

Following Court, we RAN to Jane's House and as you see above, took the newest family photo of ALL of the VanDam children!  Tizi seems to have Josie's laugh, Jake's smile and Levi's eye lashes.
She's the perfect fit!

Thank you for your MANY prayers on our behalf, we felt them!

Last night at dinner, we experienced the much talked about "power outage."  The world went pitch black, instantly, with no hope of light until morning.  We were in the restaurant (pictured above) when this happened, and everyone continued to eat and talk at the pre-outage pace.  Eventually, they came with a candle and when we asked why this happens (the electricity issue) Alemu simply replied, "no one really knows" and  finished his meal.  I love his mind-set!!!  Thankfully, our hotel is equipped with generators and we are being led with great care.  (Josie's comment as our world turned completely dark, "Mom, I kinda like it at home.")  God continues to grow and stretch our trust in big and small ways.  Thank you for praying us through.

On a side note, for those of you bored by photos of the VanDam Five.  We are not allowed to release photos of precious Tizi until after our court date, April 24 at 3pm.  This officially deems Tizabit a VanDam and will allow us to share her beauty to our world :)

We've arrived safely in Ethiopia and after getting a few hours of sleep we were thrilled to learn that we could meet Tizabit TODAY!!!  It's official....we are INSANELY in love!!  Our visit lasted for about an hour and each of us had time to love on Tizi and all the kids at Jane's House.

Levi attempted to play soccer with the older kids and ended up landing on the pavement...it's nice to keep him humble :)  Jake worked on the art of "soccer dancing" with his little audience, Josie held as many of the babes as she could at one time, Marc is currently on a first name basis with our driver and everyone in our hotel and I....I'm still trying to take this all in.  How in the world did God bring us to this point?

Packing.....

I've never been an exceptionally good packer.  In addition, it works best for me if I wait until the last minute and throw some things in and hope for the best.  We'll see how that works for us this time around.  Our packing challenge included making sure that EVERY donation of formula, diapers, beanie babies, clothing and kids' toys was included in our suitcases.  End result; three suitcases for the VanDam's and SEVEN suitcases for the orphanages!  Each suitcase is tipping close to 50 pounds and a few zippers are maxed out, so send out some prayers as we weigh in.  Hoping for some gracious scales!

Thank you for your GENEROUS donations!  It was such a fun, blessed time packing these "love tokens" and such a testimony to our kids about what giving looks like, we are humbled!

Some of you may be aware that God's call into this journey of adoption officially began for our family on a Friday evening in October, 2011.  At the time, Josie, weighed down with her supporting paperwork, called a family meeting in which she announced that our family should stop talking about adoption and start adopting!!  How can one argue with a passionate eight year old?

Today, it seems unreal that our family prepares to leave for Ethiopia on Saturday!  God has seen us through some delays, some rejection, lots of emotions, but mostly,  affirmation that this is the place where we need to be and we are not alone!!

This record is mostly for Tizi, I'm not sure how many will read it, but for those that do....THANK YOU!  Thank you for praying for us.  Thank you for encouraging us.  Thank you too for challenging us.  God used such a unique combination of personalities to bless us...thank you for sharing yours.