It was a Monday morning and I had been in Bible Study. Jake was home from school, sick and mentioned that the adoption agency had called but I thought nothing of it because nothing big happens when you are ninth on a referral wait list. Marc called shortly after I arrived home and I could tell something was either very wrong with his voice or with our connection. At the time, I hadn't figured out he was crying and wasn't prepared for the words that followed, words that changed our lives. He asked, "do you like the name Tizibt?" I was making something for Jake to eat, was in a hurry and simply said, "no, why?" and through tears, he said, "that's the name of our daughter." With those words, my world froze, I froze.
How did we get a referral when we were number nine on the wait list? I drilled him with dozens of questions. How old is she? Where is she from? What is her story? Oddly, he didn't have one answer. Within seconds I had hung up from him and was calling our case worker. She had been expecting my call and explained , after she told Marc of our referral, he had heard nothing. So patiently, she filled me in on every detail she had about this baby Tizibt. A 22 1/2 month old baby girl that had just arrived at the orphanage after spending almost five weeks in the hospital due to severe malnutrition. I was told that medical records and a referral picture would be emailed over to us shortly.
It was the photo that changed our lives. These referral pictures remind me of baby mug shots. With limited camera know-how, someone dresses up orphans, clips their name on their shirt and with shaky hands, snaps a picture that the recepient comes to treasure like a precious, priceless gift. I remember looking at our photo of Tiza and feeling overwhelmed with emotions. The realization that this baby would become my daughter, a part of our family and yet I knew nothing about her settled in. I remember studying Tiza's picture with such intensity that it almost became 3-Dimensional to me.
Never had a picture held so much information, so much meaning. In it, was all that we knew of our Tiza. She smiled on her picture and I wondered, after learning what she had recently been through, how did they even get her to smile? She had a sweet bald head, which we learned was a result of her malnutrition. Her nose was a button and her eyes showed signs of life, I took that as a good thing. In summary, we knew she looked sweet and bald and beautiful and we knew she was ours.
Along with the referral picture, there came all of the medical records they had on Tiza. Because she had been hospitalized for so long, we were given a decent amount of information on her. Our case worker told us to read through the information, seek medical advise, pray and let them know if we would take this referral. As we sat in the doctor's office the next day with all of the paperwork we had on Tiza, our doctor began discussing the possibilities of Tiza's future. As he listed potential concerns regarding Tiza's medical and developmental delays, I looked at Tiza's picture and knew that regardless of what he told us, she was ours. It wasn't a valiant, brave move on my part that I felt this way and I was really hoping most of what he was saying would not come to be, but as I looked at that baby face and fell more and more in love with her, I knew that as with Levi, Jake and Josie, whatever they faced, we faced. So too, was true with Tiza. She had claimed our hearts through just one picture, there was no turning back.
The days that followed our referral, I would find Tiza's picture stuck in the kids' school binders, I found one copy in the visor of Marc's car and I kept mine in the side pocket of the bag I carried. Each of us needed to keep Tiza with us at all times. In part, to become familiar with the idea that we were family, but in part, to try to learn the details of Tiza. That priceless baby mug shot began opening up our hearts, it was working it's way into places we didn't even know existed.
Today, one year later, I've tried to duplicate this photo for Tiza. Today, Tiza has hair, springy curls that we constantly touch and kiss. Her smile we've learned, does come very easily and it lights our home and her eyes, well her eyes, are full of life. A past life that was filled with struggles, but also filled with rich and deep love. Her eyes hold within them, pieces of life that we still do not know from our Tiza.
It's difficult to believe that it's been a year since we've learned of Tiza because it seems she's always been. I forget sometimes that she didn't come to us at birth. When I reflect on last year and remember what "Referral Day" felt like and the months that followed until we were able to meet Tiza, I'm thankful we are on this side and we no longer need to create stories of Tiza from her photo. That being said, when I look at this original, worn, referral photo, I'm overwhelmed that we were given this face to fall in love with. This baby girl to learn life from. This chance to set fear aside and allow ourselves to fall in love with a baby in a picture from a country far away. Tiza has allowed me to see referral pictures through different lenses then I did hers. She has taught me that within each picture is a heart and a spirit and a life that cannot be captured by any photographer. She's shown me that leaps of faith come from all parties involved. Mostly, she's allowed me to realize that as much as I studied and created and tried to prepare my heart for who she was, there really was little preparing at all. Tiza's picture was the shell of who she is, it got the ball rolling, but in the end, the love that started with a photo took wings when our worlds met. I'm so glad I met you Tiza. I'm so glad you took our family as your own. I'm so glad for Referral Days!
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How did we get a referral when we were number nine on the wait list? I drilled him with dozens of questions. How old is she? Where is she from? What is her story? Oddly, he didn't have one answer. Within seconds I had hung up from him and was calling our case worker. She had been expecting my call and explained , after she told Marc of our referral, he had heard nothing. So patiently, she filled me in on every detail she had about this baby Tizibt. A 22 1/2 month old baby girl that had just arrived at the orphanage after spending almost five weeks in the hospital due to severe malnutrition. I was told that medical records and a referral picture would be emailed over to us shortly.
It was the photo that changed our lives. These referral pictures remind me of baby mug shots. With limited camera know-how, someone dresses up orphans, clips their name on their shirt and with shaky hands, snaps a picture that the recepient comes to treasure like a precious, priceless gift. I remember looking at our photo of Tiza and feeling overwhelmed with emotions. The realization that this baby would become my daughter, a part of our family and yet I knew nothing about her settled in. I remember studying Tiza's picture with such intensity that it almost became 3-Dimensional to me.
Never had a picture held so much information, so much meaning. In it, was all that we knew of our Tiza. She smiled on her picture and I wondered, after learning what she had recently been through, how did they even get her to smile? She had a sweet bald head, which we learned was a result of her malnutrition. Her nose was a button and her eyes showed signs of life, I took that as a good thing. In summary, we knew she looked sweet and bald and beautiful and we knew she was ours.
Along with the referral picture, there came all of the medical records they had on Tiza. Because she had been hospitalized for so long, we were given a decent amount of information on her. Our case worker told us to read through the information, seek medical advise, pray and let them know if we would take this referral. As we sat in the doctor's office the next day with all of the paperwork we had on Tiza, our doctor began discussing the possibilities of Tiza's future. As he listed potential concerns regarding Tiza's medical and developmental delays, I looked at Tiza's picture and knew that regardless of what he told us, she was ours. It wasn't a valiant, brave move on my part that I felt this way and I was really hoping most of what he was saying would not come to be, but as I looked at that baby face and fell more and more in love with her, I knew that as with Levi, Jake and Josie, whatever they faced, we faced. So too, was true with Tiza. She had claimed our hearts through just one picture, there was no turning back.
The days that followed our referral, I would find Tiza's picture stuck in the kids' school binders, I found one copy in the visor of Marc's car and I kept mine in the side pocket of the bag I carried. Each of us needed to keep Tiza with us at all times. In part, to become familiar with the idea that we were family, but in part, to try to learn the details of Tiza. That priceless baby mug shot began opening up our hearts, it was working it's way into places we didn't even know existed.
Today, one year later, I've tried to duplicate this photo for Tiza. Today, Tiza has hair, springy curls that we constantly touch and kiss. Her smile we've learned, does come very easily and it lights our home and her eyes, well her eyes, are full of life. A past life that was filled with struggles, but also filled with rich and deep love. Her eyes hold within them, pieces of life that we still do not know from our Tiza.
It's difficult to believe that it's been a year since we've learned of Tiza because it seems she's always been. I forget sometimes that she didn't come to us at birth. When I reflect on last year and remember what "Referral Day" felt like and the months that followed until we were able to meet Tiza, I'm thankful we are on this side and we no longer need to create stories of Tiza from her photo. That being said, when I look at this original, worn, referral photo, I'm overwhelmed that we were given this face to fall in love with. This baby girl to learn life from. This chance to set fear aside and allow ourselves to fall in love with a baby in a picture from a country far away. Tiza has allowed me to see referral pictures through different lenses then I did hers. She has taught me that within each picture is a heart and a spirit and a life that cannot be captured by any photographer. She's shown me that leaps of faith come from all parties involved. Mostly, she's allowed me to realize that as much as I studied and created and tried to prepare my heart for who she was, there really was little preparing at all. Tiza's picture was the shell of who she is, it got the ball rolling, but in the end, the love that started with a photo took wings when our worlds met. I'm so glad I met you Tiza. I'm so glad you took our family as your own. I'm so glad for Referral Days!
