Our family has recently returned from our first Spring Break with Tiza. Much thought went into our trip as it's been awhile since we've traveled with a three year old. I attempted to calculate all possible scenarios that may throw our trip; where would it work best for Tiza to sleep, how were we going to juggle her nap time, what if she couldn't sit through all of the large group dinners we are a part of, how would she keep up with the big kids.....and the list went on.
Upon arrival, Tiza again reminded me how I waste valuable hours, time I will never get back, by focusing on trivial details that mean nothing. Tiza just takes on the day. She slept when she slept, some dinners worked, and some didn't. She had really high moments and some nasty meltdowns, but at the end of the day, she fell into bed and one knew that she had just lived the best day of her life.
She does that to you, redirects your attention when you least expect it. It happened on a Sunday morning when we were driving home from church. Traffic was slow and often stopped, so we had the windows down and Tiz was in the back seat looking out her window with her hands cupped around the top of the car door. We were creeping forward and approaching a car with its music blaring. The driver was heavily pierced and tattoed and the three passengers, looked the same. We were stopped exactly parralel to them and watched them pass around a bottle of whiskey while enjoying their cigarrettes. The story they were sharing was laden with non-kid friendly words, all of this happening before noon.
It was one of those situations where I would have told the big kids not to stare and just look forward as I would have prided myself in being non-judgmental. I would have told the kids that, but Tiza had other ideas and clearly saw a different version of the car occupants then I did. I happened to look back at her and watched as she slowly lifted her cupped fingers and keeping all of them clinched together she gave them one of her baby waves that melts hearts. The driver of the car, the one receiving this "wave gift" said, "hey, guys, look at that cute kid!" And like that, we were all in. No looking forward, no pretending they didn't exist, no judging in my own non-judgemental way....we were engaged.
As I watched Tiza communicate, I saw four guys lean forward, reach out their windows and make baby waves back with our baby. In watching them entertain Tiza, I wondered who took the time to wave to them. The driver and I made eye contact and I smiled at him. He responded with a slight turn of the lips, not a real smile, but it was something. What I saw were his eyes. In that brief moment, his eyes softened. It's the same look that I get from Levi and Jake on the occasions when we can't use words, but speak through our eyes. His eyes looked sweet and kind with a little bit of goofy left in them. They held youth and laughter and what looked like a lot of tired. His eyes held nothing but a willingness to take the time and make a baby laugh. His eyes held within them a person I would want to get to know.
Tiza said, "Mommy, my friends." I think they heard her words as they all laughed. The cars began moving again and that was the end. I felt a regret, a wanting to go back to that moment. Mostly, because I wanted to apologize for looking at their shell and not taking the time to see their soul. I wanted to thank them for not judging my stuffy, high-nosed self, like I had judged them. I wanted to make sure someone loved them and reminded them of their importance. What I really wanted was to tell them the next time I come across someone with a different shell then mine, I will be the one to make introductions, not leave that social skill up to my three year old daughter.
One year ago today, our family was introduced to Tiza in person. It was a life-changing introduction. A walk through an orphanage gate that has never allowed us to look back. Tiza has introduced our family to more people in the past year than I can count. God has gifted her with eyes that see hearts and potential. She wants to hold your hand, whoever you are. In gripping your hand with her precious chubby fingers, she will steal your heart. Tiza see in others value and worth and possibility.
It's clear from our Florida experience that I have much to learn about Tiza and introductions and people themselves. I was scared when they introduced me to Tiza, mostly, because they called me Mama and I was afraid Tiza would reject that idea. Clearly, I'm scared to introduce myself to others for much of the same reasons, rejection. Little did I know in our introduction to Tiza, she would teach us that rejection, most often comes from within oneself and introductions, well, introductions come from the heart. Tiza, I hope someday, my heart is half as big as yours. Thank you for introducing me to all of your friends.
Upon arrival, Tiza again reminded me how I waste valuable hours, time I will never get back, by focusing on trivial details that mean nothing. Tiza just takes on the day. She slept when she slept, some dinners worked, and some didn't. She had really high moments and some nasty meltdowns, but at the end of the day, she fell into bed and one knew that she had just lived the best day of her life.
She does that to you, redirects your attention when you least expect it. It happened on a Sunday morning when we were driving home from church. Traffic was slow and often stopped, so we had the windows down and Tiz was in the back seat looking out her window with her hands cupped around the top of the car door. We were creeping forward and approaching a car with its music blaring. The driver was heavily pierced and tattoed and the three passengers, looked the same. We were stopped exactly parralel to them and watched them pass around a bottle of whiskey while enjoying their cigarrettes. The story they were sharing was laden with non-kid friendly words, all of this happening before noon.
It was one of those situations where I would have told the big kids not to stare and just look forward as I would have prided myself in being non-judgmental. I would have told the kids that, but Tiza had other ideas and clearly saw a different version of the car occupants then I did. I happened to look back at her and watched as she slowly lifted her cupped fingers and keeping all of them clinched together she gave them one of her baby waves that melts hearts. The driver of the car, the one receiving this "wave gift" said, "hey, guys, look at that cute kid!" And like that, we were all in. No looking forward, no pretending they didn't exist, no judging in my own non-judgemental way....we were engaged.
As I watched Tiza communicate, I saw four guys lean forward, reach out their windows and make baby waves back with our baby. In watching them entertain Tiza, I wondered who took the time to wave to them. The driver and I made eye contact and I smiled at him. He responded with a slight turn of the lips, not a real smile, but it was something. What I saw were his eyes. In that brief moment, his eyes softened. It's the same look that I get from Levi and Jake on the occasions when we can't use words, but speak through our eyes. His eyes looked sweet and kind with a little bit of goofy left in them. They held youth and laughter and what looked like a lot of tired. His eyes held nothing but a willingness to take the time and make a baby laugh. His eyes held within them a person I would want to get to know.
Tiza said, "Mommy, my friends." I think they heard her words as they all laughed. The cars began moving again and that was the end. I felt a regret, a wanting to go back to that moment. Mostly, because I wanted to apologize for looking at their shell and not taking the time to see their soul. I wanted to thank them for not judging my stuffy, high-nosed self, like I had judged them. I wanted to make sure someone loved them and reminded them of their importance. What I really wanted was to tell them the next time I come across someone with a different shell then mine, I will be the one to make introductions, not leave that social skill up to my three year old daughter.
One year ago today, our family was introduced to Tiza in person. It was a life-changing introduction. A walk through an orphanage gate that has never allowed us to look back. Tiza has introduced our family to more people in the past year than I can count. God has gifted her with eyes that see hearts and potential. She wants to hold your hand, whoever you are. In gripping your hand with her precious chubby fingers, she will steal your heart. Tiza see in others value and worth and possibility.
It's clear from our Florida experience that I have much to learn about Tiza and introductions and people themselves. I was scared when they introduced me to Tiza, mostly, because they called me Mama and I was afraid Tiza would reject that idea. Clearly, I'm scared to introduce myself to others for much of the same reasons, rejection. Little did I know in our introduction to Tiza, she would teach us that rejection, most often comes from within oneself and introductions, well, introductions come from the heart. Tiza, I hope someday, my heart is half as big as yours. Thank you for introducing me to all of your friends.
The pictures! All of it beauty.
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