We are preparing to leave Ethiopia. Tizi is taking what will be her last nap here. We are packing up our things. This leg of our journey is nearing it's end. We have had Tizi with us for 48 hours. Both Marc and I are amazed at how remarkably she's handled the transition. How does she do that? Let people that she has only seen briefly , scoop her out of her safe little love nest and plunk her into their world?
I have spent much of our time together analyzing myself; am I doing this right ? will this scar her? am I reacting with a Mother's love? am I loving enough? I need to stop doing this because in doing so, I'm spending much of my energy trying to get it "right" and as our other three kids will tell you, I don't always get it right. They will also tell you, in not getting it right, I still love them with the core of my being, and that is the love I feel towards precious Tizabit.
She melts my heart each time she calls me "mama." (granted, she calls every passing female age 12 and above "mama" but I don't care, I'm convinced she's using a different inflection when she's referring to me :)) She makes Marc and I laugh when she laughs and countless times we are telling each other to look at something beyond adorable that she is doing. I tried to recall today where I was at emotionally when the older kids were 48 hours old. I'm pretty sure I was highly drugged with the boys as I remember nothing and for Josie, we were bound tight, lying in bed and I was taking in her every move. That's what this feels like. This time of taking in every piece of Tizi and learning to know the miracle that she is.
Because of the shortness of this trip, I have kept my watch set on Michigan time. I wanted to be able to look at it and know what Levi, Jake and Josie are doing. Josie has kept her watch set on Ethiopian time since our April 20 trip and has stated that it does not get changed until Tizi is home. I don't know how she does it, referring to a time zone seven hours ahead of ours, but she has kept us current on the exact schedule of Tizi and Jane's House any time we ask.
I cannot wait until we have all watches set to the same time zone and can all be living in said zone! Our family has been in pieces. We've been able to be with Tizi, but never wholly, always in part. She's known of us, but nothing beyond that. We've been pieces to each other. Not only can't I wait until each of our pieces fit into place, but I can't wait until we are all looking at the same watches, in the same house, living same lives. See you soon Levi, Jake and Josie....we're coming home!
I have spent much of our time together analyzing myself; am I doing this right ? will this scar her? am I reacting with a Mother's love? am I loving enough? I need to stop doing this because in doing so, I'm spending much of my energy trying to get it "right" and as our other three kids will tell you, I don't always get it right. They will also tell you, in not getting it right, I still love them with the core of my being, and that is the love I feel towards precious Tizabit.
She melts my heart each time she calls me "mama." (granted, she calls every passing female age 12 and above "mama" but I don't care, I'm convinced she's using a different inflection when she's referring to me :)) She makes Marc and I laugh when she laughs and countless times we are telling each other to look at something beyond adorable that she is doing. I tried to recall today where I was at emotionally when the older kids were 48 hours old. I'm pretty sure I was highly drugged with the boys as I remember nothing and for Josie, we were bound tight, lying in bed and I was taking in her every move. That's what this feels like. This time of taking in every piece of Tizi and learning to know the miracle that she is.
Because of the shortness of this trip, I have kept my watch set on Michigan time. I wanted to be able to look at it and know what Levi, Jake and Josie are doing. Josie has kept her watch set on Ethiopian time since our April 20 trip and has stated that it does not get changed until Tizi is home. I don't know how she does it, referring to a time zone seven hours ahead of ours, but she has kept us current on the exact schedule of Tizi and Jane's House any time we ask.
I cannot wait until we have all watches set to the same time zone and can all be living in said zone! Our family has been in pieces. We've been able to be with Tizi, but never wholly, always in part. She's known of us, but nothing beyond that. We've been pieces to each other. Not only can't I wait until each of our pieces fit into place, but I can't wait until we are all looking at the same watches, in the same house, living same lives. See you soon Levi, Jake and Josie....we're coming home!
Safe travels to you! So excited for you! Glad you are realizing that if you spend too much time worrying if you got it "right" then you miss out on seeing Tizi for who she is and just enjoying her fully!! You have already done the "right thing" by following your hearts and God's leading to bring this precious child into your family. She is very blessed and so are you! Can't wait to meet her!
ReplyDelete